Walk On the Ocean
by Penny Wishes
Summary: He knows he can’t fight with me, not when I have my mind made up. Seems he’s forgotten, that I need him most right now... Hermione tells her story of how she escaped life, and how she wanted to go back...


Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Also, parts of the storyline are based on the song "Walk On the Ocean" By John Mayer; it also doesn't belong to me ;)   
  
Summary: A story from Hermione's point of view, about how hard life is after Harry defeats the dark lord... About how she escapes life, and how she wants to go back.   
  
Rated: PG  
  
Ships: Ron/Hermione, very lightly  
  
Walk on the Ocean  
  
I spotted the ocean at the end of trail. Glassy and blue, at times, and other times green and vicious, black and eerie... It was a place I went when I needed to think, when I needed to be away from everything. The ocean. I'd only been there once, I had been almost nine, my parents had taken me to the beach and I had asked,   
  
"Where does the ocean take you?" And now, I still wonder that. Where are we going? What will we do when we get there? Or are we already there...? It's so far away from where I was, where I had been. Neville said that now it would be better, now we are safe. Now that he's gone, we can live normal lives. We can live. We can be happy.   
  
But when I try, when I try to go back to how things were, when I try to be happy and live, I go back to the same place. I take a walk on the ocean. Find a path on the stones. Feel my flesh become part of the water, icy and cold. Watch my past drift by in the rise and fall of waves, parts riding on the crest of strong tall waves, other parts being sucked into the undertow. Driftwood turns into the bones of the past, and my tears make it storm, hurricane.   
  
It scares Ron most when I go to the ocean. Probably because he can't find his way there. He can't find the soft blue to take him away, or maybe he doesn't want to. Says he must be strong, we all must be, we all must look at things as they are, or we'll get swept away, we'll drown.  
  
Harry stays there almost permanently now, walking on the ocean, finding different and new paths in the stones, flesh becoming water, wood becoming bones. When Harry's there it probably storms all the time though, he's so distant lately. Although it's understadnable why, anyone would be after defeating Him.   
  
Ron's the only one who doesn't go there. He's tried to hold us together, keep us from drowning. Surprises me that he'd be the one to do it, but he has always been the one with the family. The closer he comes, though, the further I walk, the taller the waves get, like walls dividing me from him.  
  
~   
  
I've packed up my old life; don't want to be a part of it anymore. I want to live anew, so I leave. Go to the ocean. I promise Ron I'll keep in touch. He knows I'm lying, knows I'm running away, but gives me a sad smile just the same. Knows he can't fight with me, not when I have my mind made up. Seems he's forgotten, that I need him most right now.   
  
I take a walk on the water, feeling lost and alone, forgetting my enemies feeling small and afraid. I can't see the horizon, there's no direction for my life. "Where does the ocean take you?" I still haven't found out. The waves pull me one way, and I run in the other. Making my own path in the stones, controlling my own life, I feel strong, and in control.   
  
I'm on my own.   
  
Now I'm back on land, strong enough to walk on my own, don't need any waves to push me along. The air is thick and hard to move in, there's no soft breeze, the sun isn't warm and doesn't glitter on the surface. Everyone is a stranger, I'm all alone. No one to talk to because I've forgotten how to trust. I'm controlling my life, it's all in my hands.   
  
This is how it's supposed to be right? This is a normal life. Everyone's guilty, everyone's wrong. I've separated myself from them, so that I can stay strong.   
  
You've got to stop loving, love has killed too many.   
  
You've got to stop singing, singing brings only tears.   
  
Lose yourself in the ocean, look for the horizon, make yourself a path, make yourself a future. Don't watch the waves go by, the waves of the past will try to pick you up, bring you back, force you under.   
  
~  
  
I don't go to the ocean as much as I used to. Now that I'm strong in the future, I can't risk it by letting waves pull me to the past. But occasionally, when I'm feeling weak I find myself drifting there, seeing the soft blue at the end of the trail. I can hear the waves calling, singing songs of the past, I can see Harry crying, and feel Ron trying to pull me back. My old life is on the other side of the ocean, calling for me. Full of tears, and anger, pain and soft red hair between my fingers. Broken glasses, and reluctant hugs, silly arguments, and soft whispers.   
  
"Don't let it take you away," My mother had said, my first trip to the ocean, when a wave had pulled me a few feet from where she was standing. But I have. I've let it take me from my old life... I don't have any pictures, left all my things of the past. All I've got now are memories. Good ones and bad. All get sweeter as they get fainter in my mind, all make me miss it, as it grows into a dream. Something unreal. At times I want it back, want Ron's rough calloused hands to hold mine softly, like he used to, want to feel my face go hot and my heart beat quicken, and know that his is too. Want Harry's bright green eyes to catch mine, for them to share a secret only I can know.   
  
Want to take a walk on the ocean. Step on the stones.   
  
Flesh becomes water, wood becomes bones.   
  
"Where does the ocean take you?"   
  
Can it take you home?  
  
Can I use the same thing that pulled me away to push me back.   
  
I can't. How do I know I would even end up there? How do I know where the ocean will take me?   
  
So I stay here, reminiscing, and remembering the days when I used to be able to walk on the ocean.  
  
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Hope you liked this fic! And if you did, or even if you HATED it, leave me a review so I can know! Believe me reviews ROCK and I will greatly appreciate it! Also, if you did like it, check out my other fics!   
  
~Penny 


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